Chapter
Twenty-Three - Where Do I Come From And Where Am I Going?
Although the Family Tree may now be about as complete as its going to get, there are still other avenues I want to explore and I will continue to hope that I will be able to go back another generation or find another 'lost' surname. At least I can leave the following already discovered data to any future descendants to save them a lot of time, trouble and money.
One thing that has rather amused me in the last year of making such progress with my family tree is the discovery of the ordinary lowliness of my origins. My mother was brought up by her mother to think that the Parker side of the family were very posh. My granny was told things like "a gentleman never works" and "doctors and lawyers are servants of the family, you give them a cup of tea but do not invite them to dinner" and that sort of thing. My Great Aunt Ethel was horrified when the butcher's wife left a calling card. My mother said that one of the Parkers had been an admiral and another a Governor of an island. I have gone back quite a long way and the sailor Parker left the navy when very young and was certainly not an admiral. His son ran a hardware store. The Pennys from Essex were bricklayers, the Grubbs were carpenters and Samuel Bonnin was a husbandman. So where on earth did these delusions of grandeur come from? My mother always said that my father's family were of lowly Irish stock and that she had been told they were so proud of owning and knowing how to use toothbrushes that they used to keep them on the mantelpiece in the lounge. But she grew up secure in the knowledge of her family's social superiority. It's very funny really, I suppose when people emigrate to a new country as so many of my ancestors did with the 1820 British Settlers to South Africa, they put the past behind them and built new backgrounds for themselves, perhaps aping those who had been in authority over them in England. I wish I could tell my mother how much I have discovered. I think she had enough sense of humour that she would have laughed at the thought of how misled she had been I am sure unintentionally by my granny. But someone somewhere along the line was less than honest and accurate and this is very naughty as most of my 'lot' were ardent Methodists.
Though there is still a lot to look forward to, watching grandchildren grow, exploring places I haven't seen before and doing the genealogical research and in the more immediate future, Nova and Mike's arrival in England and Joanne and Rob's forthcoming wedding, I suppose I have now almost reached what is sometimes called the 'Twilight' of my life. I do not dread the total darkness, but like most people fear what might happen before that final curtain comes down. All through my life, when saddened by others' deaths, I have wondered just what it was all about. All those ups and downs, battles, successes, failures, hopes, dreams, loves, fears and sadnesses. Does anyone, anyone at all, feel at the end of their lives, 'Well that's done and all tidied up nicely, and what an achievement and satisfaction it has all proved to be'?
Writing all this down has certainly helped me to feel better. I would love to read how my say, Victorian great grandparents lived, ate, travelled, loved and their thoughts about life, so it pleases me to think that I have left this story as well as the genealogical details behind that might prove of some interest to future generations.
Is there a God up there watching us like we sometimes have watched insects crawling hopelessly up a closed window pane searching for the way out into the fresh air when all they had to do was move to the adjacent open window and fly out to freedom. Perhaps some people do find that open window. I wish that I might too.
January 1999