THE CV2(L) DESPATCH

A drama set in a fictional Examinations Council

“The whole despatch jeopardised because the computer has crashed?” Anne Caring had been Serving Official for seven months now, but this was the worst news her Sub Official, Joe Blister, had brought her yet. “But I thought you began packing last week”.

“The CV2(L) wasn’t printed yet and I wanted to use the most up-to-date sending list I could. The information is still coming in from the Centres and it has all been entered so far, but the computer crashed this morning and now we cant even print the address labels. It could take a week to fix.”

“A week is too long; if we don’t get the returned forms back, we can’t send the right packages for the start of term. Those Centres rely on us to get it to them promptly”. Anne toyed briefly with her pencil and matching clipboard. “We still have the returned DBIs, and we have a general set of labels; we can still complete that despatch.”

Joe looked aghast. “A despatch like this with the variable numbers involved and no guiding list? This is no straightforward “stuff and seal”; I don’t think anyone will take on ……”

“There is one man who could do it if I can persuade him”, Anne interrupted, “Dubbins”.

“Dubbins will never do another non-list supported despatch, not after St Bedevere’s” Joe moved towards the door, “And anyway, you’ll never get it past Grimwald”.

Anne smiled grimly, “You leave Grimwald to me; just make sure Dubbins is here when I get back”.

Anne stood before Dirk Grimwald, Head of Packaging and Staff Allocation. He was shaking his head. “No, I’m not going to allow an NLS despatch at this time, not when there is a 10% chance of a FUM scenario; you’ll just have to wait until the computer is repaired”.

“But Dirk, if we delay further….”

“Ms Caring”, Grimwald rose to his full seven feet. “You have not been with us very long. I don’t think you have ever experienced a Full Untracked Missend. I have, and it is not something I wish to live through again. That is why I have instituted strict procedures for the documentation of despatches. Otherwise, Examinations Secretaries could receive the wrong number of items because their DBIs arrive late and the information is not updated. Some who do not return their CV2(L)s might not be given the reminders they need, others could get a reminder when they have already fulfilled all their responsibilities. No, that kind of consternation is not going to be caused by my department; if you aren’t going to be able to keep track, you’re off this despatch, Ms Caring”.

“But your documentation is just one way of keeping track, I know I can still…..”

“You heard me, Ms Caring” thundered Grimwald, “You’re off the despatch!”

Joe Blister and Dubbins were waiting in the office when Anne returned. Joe fidgeted nervously, “he made me tell him what you had in mind”.

“I won’t do it, and that’s that,” said Dubbins sharply, “I’m surprised no one made that clear to you. I told them all after St Bedevere’s.” Anne cast her mind back to what she had heard about the St Bedevere’s case. The computer had crashed then as well; Dubbins was the best despatch man in the organisation and he had generally been on top of it, but by a freak set of coincidences, St Bedevere’s had firstly received the wrong number of items; they were then mistakenly sent a reminder for the return of information they had already sent and responded with information on the correct numbers they needed. Next they had received the same wrong number of a completely different item followed by five more reminder letters. Everyone had blamed Dubbins at the time, and he had not touched a similar despatch since.

Anne recalled her conversation with Grimwald; he had said she was off the despatch if she couldn’t keep track”. “Just hear me out, Dubbins”, she said, “when I tell you the details of this despatch, you’ll understand why there is no one else I could ask to take this on; it’s a six way numerically variable/per capita conjoined package, with selective additions.”

Dubbins couldn’t disguise a flicker of interest. She knew she had his attention.

“You know that the computer has crashed”. We’ll have to work from the original DBIs in order to extract the six main variants of the package. The letter, contents list and CV2(L) will be one per package, except that Walford based Centres will need an extra CV2(L) because of their Mode 3. Most other items will be packed in bundles of anything from one to six, depending on the numbers on the DB1, but the AV20/1 will be one per Candidate regardless and must be packed next to the contents list.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Anne could see Dubbins taking notes. She could not relax the pressure now. “Packs containing one, three or five PR3s will have to be kept aside unsealed so that an Odd Numbers Confirmation form can be added. Those are due from printing tomorrow. I will arrange for any late DB1s to be kept separately until we can print a sending list on the current information and allow a subsequent top up. To keep track of what we have actually sent, I suggest you extract the labels according to each category and attach them to a separate bundle of..…”

“You can leave that tome,” interrupted Dubbins. “You’ll be provided with a complete breakdown, handwritten if necessary, plus a list for comparison with returns so that you can send the reminders – I have done this before, you know!” He was already mentally collating.

Anne breathed a sigh of relief as Dubbins and Blister began sorting out the various boxes of forms. They would soon be on their way to the Examinations Secretaries who so desperately needed them. Now she only had to face Grimwald…

Three days later Grimwald had found out; he was in Anne’s office immediately. “I said you were off the despatch”.

“You said if I couldn’t keep track, and I accept that you were right about that. Your procedures are one way of preventing the kind of FUM scenario we all want to avoid, but it was an emergency situation and I found an alternative that didn’t involve sacrificing the principles behind your procedure; I used Dubbins.”

“Dubbins! Don’t be ridiculous, no one has been able to persuade him….”

“I managed to persuade him, Mr Grimwald, I managed to persuade him because he cares, and because I care. I care because I was an Examinations Secretary myself until recently, waiting for the forms, hoping I would receive my materials in time. There are ten thousand Examinations Secretaries out there who can feel safe in the knowledge that we have got their despatch to them and will take care of the returns by the end of term. They aren’t interested in our internal procedures as long as we take care of their needs. This great country of ours is constantly on the verge of an administrative delay, and I want to do my small part to maintain the balance between promptness and accuracy. It’s a tough, never-ending job, but the only thanks I want is to see those CV2(L)s come back correctly completed by the deadline”.

Before she could say anything she might regret, she was interrupted by Joe Blister’s sudden arrival. “It’s…..” he noticed Dirk Grimwald and halted in embarrassment. “Sorry to interrupt, but it’s the despatch – they’ve got it! We’ve had several phone calls; some are even commenting on how early it is, and we’ve had three completed CV2(L)s back already!”

Grimwald was silent for a moment. “Perhaps on this occasion I will not proceed with the action I was considering, Ms Caring.” He smiled briefly; “The Centres don’t know how lucky they are”.